Not enough time in the day? Guess what! We've been given a little extra time this year, as long as we trust the French.

I'm sure you've heard of the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service in Paris, or the IERS for short. (IERS Slogan: "Aren't We Missing a Few Letters from Our Acronym?") "Of course I've heard of the IERS," you're thinking. "They're that obscure but omnipotent group of French scientists who can alter space and time with a simple Excel Spreadsheet calculation. But what have they done for me lately?"

The IERS is the world's official timekeeper, possibly because Rolex bid too low, and the group has decided that 2005 will get some extra time — a single second extra, to be exact. So if your reaction to this news sounds something like, "Hey, wait a second!", it's no problem. We've got time for that.

I'm thrilled to have extra time on my hands. I just hope I don't spend it on something frivolous like sleeping late, or being engaged to J-Lo.

Seriously, think about how often an extra second could come in handy!

Have you ever been pulled over for zipping through a red light? With an extra second of yellow, that cop wouldn't have noticed you, let alone arrested you for driving without pants.

Have you ever wished you had a second to notice the smell before chugging sour milk? Ever chugged sour milk and then almost made it to the bathroom? Then, for Pete's sake, take a second to buy a new refrigerator!

Skeptical? I don't blame you. We all know the only people who can turn back time are Superman and Cher. But the IERS has given us a courtesy second, so why turn it down?

Officially, the scientists at the IERS have decided to add a leap second to 2005 because they want to synchronize their super sensitive clocks with the actual rotation of the earth. But unofficially, they've done it to mess with Dick Clark's New Year's Countdown, which will now go something like this:

"Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Zero! Whatever comes after zero! Um… Happy New Year?"

This is what we get for not inviting Earth Rotation scientists to New Year's Eve parties.

I didn't know a scientific agency could just, abracadabra, mess with time like that. I assumed — at least in high school — that lengthening time required a painful, mind-altering journey very much akin to Mrs. Roach's 7th period French class. That class was supposed to end right at 3pm. In reality, those final minutes could stretch into an hour, sometimes two — usually because, right about then, I'd get fidgety and earn detention for using the words my Grandpa brought back from Normandy in WWII. I'm quite sure — zut alors! — that it's no coincidence the IERS is located in Paris.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about all this extra time, but if the IERS is going to play with the clock, why couldn't they see fit to give us just a little more free time? How about a leap weekend? We could all use one of those. Last week, I stayed out too late Friday and didn't wake up until Sunday night. A leap weekend could make up for that. It could also make up for all the time I've spent at the DMV.

Okay, maybe not the DMV.

Perhaps the IERS isn't doing this for you and me. Maybe they're doing it for the scientific community? Many researchers are so busy they only take a few seconds for personal hygiene. Some haven't showered in months. Consider this: We lost years of world-shaking science because Einstein couldn’t get a real job at first. Maybe he'd have been taken more seriously if he'd had a second to comb his hair?

That's why I think the leap second might be designed for people like Professor Doug Levey, a zoologist at the University of Florida who studies evolutionary ecology. If there's a scientist who could use bit of time away from his work, and a bit of time in the shower, it's Professor Levey. He recently studied birds, using fluorescent dye to track their movements. Bowel movements, that is. Levey is quoted as saying:

"We had to spray tens of thousands of fruits, and look at tens of thousands of poops."

I'm not sure what he was looking for, but I'm pretty sure one of his birds found my car last week.

So whether you're a harried scientist or just failing French class, at least this year we all have an extra second. I encourage you to make the most of it, and to wear pants the next time you run a red light.

Copyright © 2005 Andy Murphy
Please do not remove the copyright from this work.

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