I’ve been doing this for two years. Well, close to two years anyway. I’ve always been a bit of an exaggerator (you should have seen my old online dating profile). But I have been writing Stolensoap columns for close to two years and I must admit something…

…The ol’ thinker runs dry sometimes.

Mmm-hmm, there are times when I sit and stare at the blank computer screen and panic at the fact that I have nothing on my mind. While the letter-less cursor blinks at me I realize that I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to write about on that bi-week.

So then I go back to looking at porn.

Not really. Mom put a cyber nanny blocker on all of the dirty web pages a long time ago (last week) so going to "www.boobsaplenty.com" isn’t really an option for me.

Okay, everyone who just clicked on that link and was disappointed that it took them back to this page raise your hand…my, oh my…perverts.

So then I go to the old stand still methods of coming up with an idea; brainstorming games! Yep, thanks to the community college class I took that one summer on creative writing, I have an entire arsenal of exercises to get my brain into writing gear.

See, it’s easy. All you have to do is think of a word and then say the first word that comes to your mind after you hear it. Here, I’ll give you an example:

Duck…goose.

Music…Lita Ford.

Fire truck…regular truck that’s not welcome at fires.

Okay, so that got us nowhere. It’s all-good, don’t panic. When this fun exercise doesn’t work we just turn to the people and things around us for inspiration.

Since starting this website with Andy, I’ve gotten all sorts of suggestions from those around me on what I should write about. While I generally laugh at them and tell them their idea is, “retarded”, I sometimes find myself intrigued with what they have suggested.

Seeing as though I’m feeling charitable tonight, I’ll give some of these ideas a try. Of course, if any of these ideas turn out to be really good, I’m just going to claim that they were mine to begin with. Here we go.

My co-worker Greg once told me that I should do something about all of the crazy things we do at work…

…Alright…

We do lots of crazy stuff at work. Don’t worry, I’m not talking going to a loony bin crazy, I’m talking crazy like, “let’s do something to occupy our time until 5 o’clock”.

All right Greg…that idea sucked.

Next idea-My neighbor told me once how I should do a column about how I can’t turn the damned volume down on my TV late at night…

…Alright…

I can’t turn the damn volume down on my TV at night. It makes my neighbor really mad, but he’s a jack off who gets all bent out of shape when you park in his spot anyway so I really don’t give a crap what he thinks.

Wow, that WAS funny, jack off neighbor. Thanks for the help!

Finally, a suggestion from my friend Matt’s little boy Hayden. One year old Hayden suggests that I should do a column called, “Bit-hes ain’t sh-t”.

…Wow…ahem…

Okay, I don’t think I should do that one. Matt, you may want to talk to your son. I’d do it for you, but he kind of intimidates me.

I would like to thank everyone for their help on this week’s column. If you ever have an idea for a column, please feel free to tell me. I’ll be the guy who’s avoiding you.

Copyright © 2007 Ray Tice
Please do not remove the copyright from this work.

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