Video game addiction?

Addiction?

Have you heard about this? Being addicted to video games is now considered a debilitating “disease”. Get out of the way, cancer…this boy can’t stop playing him some Donkey Kong!

Being a video game addict will get you thrown into a 12-step program in some countries. Interventions abound with hurt family members saying, “It’s either ‘Q-Bert’ or me!”
You know what happened to me when I was a kid and had played my NES for too long? My Mom unplugged it and then kicked my butt outside. Of course while I was outside I would just pretend that the old tree trunk in the yard was a giant arcade machine, but I digress…

It’s alarming the things that society is letting slip through in the, “It’s not my fault that I can’t control my own life” department. It seems that all you have to do is get a group of people together who can admit, “I can’t contribute to my daily life because I can’t stop doing this” and no matter how idiotic it is, will gain some sympathy for it.

I mean, c’mon! VIDEO GAME ADDICTION!

“I’m sorry, son. Daddy would love to come to your first t-ball game, but he would rather go to his virtual son’s game in a world that doesn’t even really exist. Daddy would go to yours, but you don’t have a cool eagle head like his virtua-son has.”

Keep your eyes on this. I guarantee that once this slides through as a bona-fide medical condition we’ll start seeing stupider and stupider reasons why one cannot go to work. Pretty soon we’ll see:

“Apple i-tus”:
This need to stand in line for the newest overpriced gadget hit a high point with the recent launch of a certain cell phone. Those afflicted are known to shun family, friends and work for days at a time in order to be one of the first to obtain the hottest new electronic merchandise. Other names that this disease has gone by include PS3-tus, Wii-us and 360-us. Victims are known to suffer from another illness called “the big let down” when they find out that their new gadget actually sucks balls.

“Anakinus”:
People who are willing to camp out in front of a movie theater for weeks on end to see a new Sci-Fi film are also today’s victims. From the long stretches of time without bathing to the over-indulgence of “Sno-Kaps”, sufferers can lose much more than the jobs, family and friends…they can lose self-respect. The inevitable disappointment in the movie’s content can only be cured by a long session discussing it on one’s blog or favorite chatroom (I myself prefer ‘stars’mores.com’)

“Modeling-your-life-after-people-who-you-aren’t-initus”:
While not really harming themselves, those that try to act like certain debutants while continually describing things as, “hot” alienate those around them. Victims also on occasion try to imitate certain movie characters, musicians and comedians and model their lives after these people. Unfortunately, the only cure so far seems to be shaking their face while yelling, “Dammit, you sound nothing like Cartman!”

“Too-much-Axe-body spray-ungus”:
I’m talking to you, James.

“Stolensoap addiction”:
These people look at Stolensoap every time they open their web browser. They even look at it before looking at porn…on second thought, maybe there are some addictions that aren’t so bad…

Copyright © 2007 Ray Tice
Please do not remove the copyright from this work.

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