You know, packing tape does not taste good.

It has an interesting smell to it and hell, everything tastes good when you smear peanut butter on it, but I have quickly learned that it is NOT for eating.

Oh, I’m moving by the way. Yep, packing up and heading up north to the State Capitol. I’m going big time, baby. No more gravel roads for me, I’m a city boy now!

During my collegiate years I had moving down to a science. When you change your place of residence every 8 months you kind of have to. It got to a point that by my Senior year I opened only one box the entire time so that I wouldn’t have to worry about packing again. Luckily, everything that I needed was in that one box. Everything that wasn’t an absolute necessity (read: underwear, aluminum foil, etc.) just stayed in the boxes that I left piled on my roommate’s bed.

Of course after my days at Indiana University I found out that moving anywhere suddenly became a huge pain in the ass. No longer was it okay to throw your entire set of dishes (paper plates) out when moving; no, now you had to wrap each in newspaper, bubble wrap or a small woodland creature to make sure that they don’t break. Now you had to rent something called, “a moving truck,” because suddenly everything that you owned wouldn’t fit in trash bags that could be thrown in the back of a pick up truck. Moving wasn’t fun or easy any more…it sucked!

So I ended up staying in my old college town for 4 years mainly because I was too lazy to move again. You know that it’s laziness when the thought of living in an apartment that constantly leaks, has no heat and has been covered in crime scene tape on more than one entire weekend sounds better than the thought of finding boxes to pack your belongings in to.

But then I got a job that require me to travel over 90 minutes round trip every day. If there’s one thing that I hate worse than packing all of my belongings up into boxes that I snagged from the Hardees dumpster, it’s being in a car for over 90 minutes a day. Oh, I also hate Circus Peanuts, but that has nothing to do with this.

So I sucked it up and moved to the city of Columbus to be closer to my new office. While it was sad to leave Bloomington (I had memorized every pizza place’s number), I was excited to see what new opportunities awaited me in my new city.

Except two things happened:

1) Realized that I would rather live in a pit toilet than Columbus
2) My office moved up North and now I have to drive 90 minutes round trip AGAIN

Seriously, people, whoa is me! Just when I’m finally starting to convince my neighbors to get involved in my pyramid schemes, I’m moving again!

So now I sit here in my apartment, looking at everything that needs to be boxed up. Of course I’m procrastinating from doing so by writing a new column, but it isn’t the first time that I’ve used my writing as an excuse not to do something:

Other times I’ve used writing as a way of not having to do something:

-Bathing
-Cuddling
-Jury Duty

But I know that I will have to start soon because I know it’s not going to do itself. Oh, and I also learned from the last place that just throwing a match on the stuff that you don’t want to pack makes it very difficult to get your security deposit back.

So I’ll be in a new place this weekend. It’s going to be great, too. It’s closer to work, closer to my girlfriend and I’ll have new neighbors to creep out with “pant-less Wednesdays”.

Oh, I’m also going to have a roommate this time around too, my friend Caleb. Everybody pray for him.

And the best part is I can whine and bitch about all of this again in August because we only signed a six-month lease. I may just have to observe my, “open only one box” rule again. Now if only I can figure out how to get a TV, a six-year subscription to Cat Fancy magazine and a jug of Sunny D into one box…

So yeah, send me housewarming gifts. I like things of the, “money”, variety. Oh, and if you’re a new neighbor of mine…if you prefer dudes who wear pants, it may be in your best interest to stay away from my place on Wednesdays.

Copyright © 2007 Ray Tice
Please do not remove the copyright from this work.

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